Yes, I DO think it's tough

It's a little past 1 am and here I am still awake, typing crazily into my lappy. Not because my Angela was giving me problems. (She's sleeping like an angel next to me now and passing gas :P). But the fact I am feeling upset with my lovely hubby, who at the moment is out enjoying drinks with his friends (not that I resent it that he is out enjoying and I am stuck at home. Well, maybe a little but that's not the whole point of this entry)

Anyway, was just thinking out aloud in writing bout how glad his friends would feel that there isn't a foreigner among them and they do not need to switch to English to speak that foreigner (that would be me) and they can all enjoy their drinks and conversation in their mother tongue.

When I first came here, I knew nothing of the culture nor the language. Over the period of 1 year here, I learned some and I must admit that I would need to work harder if I want to master the language. Sometimes when I go out with my hubby and his friends, I felt kind of left out. Everyone would be talking and laughing and there I was just sitting there and smiling , trying to make sense of everything. I was prepared for the challenge of adapting to a new life. But not the loneliness I felt even when I was next to my hubby. I really felt out of place and awkward and after awhile, bored.

Fast forward 1 year, the situation is somewhat the same though it's a little better. Managed to understand 50% of the conversation most times but it's so tiring trying to understand their conversation, trying to listen to words and making sense of things. At times like this, I wish the situation is the other way round. I think my hubby had a taste of that when he was in Malaysia with me for 9months but I wouldn't say it's all that bad since most Malaysians can and do speak English.

Am I being too sensitive here thinking that they don't care if I understand? Maybe I'm thinking too much. But sometimes that one person that I hope would notice this fails to and that saddens me. Really saddens me.

How do I make him understand how I feel? How a simple gesture of translating it to me means so much to me for me not to feel left out?

Well, men being men. I think I'd better master the language quickly. That would be less agonising. This entry might upset some people but this is the only way I know where I can vent out my frustrations and not hurt anyone in the process.

Ok, feel so much better now. Time for ZzzzZZZz.

Nite nite!

My baby is 1month old

Okay, so I have stepped into motherhood for 1month now. How does that feel? Excited still, but also tiring. My little one really takes up alot of my energy and time. And that really leaves very little time for me and my hubby.

But all is well so far. Love holding her in my arms and when is she cooing back at me.
I will cherish these moments cos before I know it, she will be running around and I would be running after her.

:-)

My hubby, the super-daddy!! ^-^

As we brought baby Angela home, I was thinking about many things. Can we cope? What if she cries, what do I do? Is everything ok? and bla bla bla.

The first night turns out ok and so is the second night but the following days were bit horrifying. Angela couldn't stop crying and both my hubby and my mom were so busy pacifying her to make her go to sleep. I was too tired to muster any energy to take care of her and I just lay there on my bed feeling helpless. Turns out, my little one had some discomfort at the gums. After being treated by the doctor, she is like an angel now.

Still , the mid-night shift is my hubby's job and I must say, he is doing a greater job than I am. He wakes up whenever the baby cries, prepares the milk, feed her, burp her and lull her to sleep. Awww... I feel so proud to have such a supportive hubby. Besides taking care of his little baby, he also has to take care of his BIG baby, ME! keke.

My hubby, Bat-Erdene, I am so so proud of you for being such a wonderful daddy. Thanks for the encouragements and support you have given me so far. Makes me feel stronger day by day. I am sure, Angela will grow up to be a caring person just like her daddy.

Muakss, my love. Bi chamd hairtai!!!

The adoring grandparents

My parents has upgraded to become grandparents!!! A first for them and I can see that they are really happy beyond words. My mom helped me to take care of Angela whilst my dad would come into my room a few times a day to have a look at his grandchild. It was really a heart-warming moment to see these adoring grandparents playing with their grandchild but which also bring tears to my eyes.

Knowing that I would be leaving Malaysia in a few months' time, I pity my parents having to let go of their grandchild and probably won't be able to witness her growing process. I feel bad for doing this to them but living in Mongolia is a path I chose for myself.

One day, my daddy came into the room and looked at Angela. He said ,"Little princess. Look at you. But too bad you would have to leave us in a few months' time." He then turned and spoke to me ;" Leave her here.hehe" Although he said it jokingly, I couldn't forget what he said and everytime I think bout it, I just cry. Sometimes I think I'm really cruel for doing this to them but I had to choose where I would like to settle down. Where it is best for my baby and for my hubby. It's not just me now and I hope that they can understand my decision.

Here comes our princess

25.10.2011 marks the day my hubby, Bat-Erdene and myself stepped foot into the world of parenthood. Our baby, Angela Bat-Erdene was born at 0518am weighing 3.4kg. The labor didn't last long but it took away all the strength that I had. When the mid-wife put her on my chest, I could only look at her and smile. I could barely move my hands to even touch her then the mid-wife took her away to clean up and I fell asleep again.

Having inhaled too much entonox during episiotomy made me so groggy up till noon that day that I couldn't even take care of my baby. Even when the nurses came to my bed to check on me, they all asked the same question, Ok ke tak budak ni? (Is this girl ok?)

but by noon, I was much stronger and when my hubby and mom came to see me, I was well enough to talk to them and have a real look at my baby,

The feeling of holding her in my arms was overwhelming. I think it was the same too for my mom and my hubby. Looking at her sleeping peacefully brought tears to my eyes and made me wonder, how in the world did this miracle happen? It is a magical moment indeed.

Bad day

09.10.11 should be a very nice date yeah? Unfortunately, I was hospitalised! Nope, not because I have popped! But because diarrhea and vomiting!! Was in the hospital for 2 days and those 2 days has been agonising for me.

The first day was the worst! I waited in the emergency for 3.5hours although I pleaded with the nurses to let me have a go first cos I kept running to the toilet every 15mins and the toilet is situated quite far! When it was my turn to see the doctor, I practically have not much energy left to even sit straight. My tummy felt pain but I already couldn't differentiate if it's just mere tummyache or contractions. The doctor was afraid that I was actually having contractions, asked me to be sent to the maternity ward with an ambulance!

I was sent to the labor ward and I was all alone. My mom couldn't come in with me, I couldn't bring my mobile with me nor any money. Just myself. Never felt so alone in my life. CTG machine on my right and drip on my left, I couldn't get up from the bed to even do my 'business'. I was given the 'can' to sit on and do it there. I was there for 2hours and watching the clock ticking by was enough to make me cry. Finally, they found that I was not ready to go in-labour, they transfered me to the antenatal ward. How happy I was to be off the CTG machine and first thing I did was run to the toilet! What a horrible experience!


Having said that however, I did learn something from those mothers-to-be like me in the antenatal ward. They shared their stories of being pregnant and told me not to be afraid. Hmm... not to be afraid? Well, I try but how not to???

As the due date is drawing nearer, I am waiting in anticipation and in fear too. But my hubby kept reassuring me that when the time comes, I won't remember the fear anymore as we'll be holding our little baby and all those pain will disappear. Easy for him to say. But I do hope that everything will go smoothly. Praying everyday!

I salute to all mothers in this world especially my mother and mother-in-law! The sacrifices they made for us, nothing can compare to it.

Mixed feelings

Oh gosh! In less than a month, I will be a mother.
Being a mother-to-be has brought many mixed feelings to me. Anxious, scared, happy, jitters, all jumbled up inside me.
I am surrounded by mothers as most of my friends have children of their own and I always seek their advice as I am really blur to what to do. Sometimes I wonder to myself, will I be able to be a supermom to my child just like my mom has been to us? Would I be able to protect her from the harm and bad things around? Would I be able to be her friend when she grows up?
Many, many questions popping in my mind but I know when the time comes, I would know what to automatically.

Now, only now, did I realise that being a mom is not easy.
Kudos to all mothers out there and especially to both my mom and Mother-in-law for being such a pillar of support for me and for all your children!